Tag Archive: Black Mountain


The Latitude Round-up

I hate to start talking about such a fantastic event with a whinge, but hey, Latitude organisers! Yes, you Festival Republic! Great idea to open up the arena for early arrivers on the Thursday night, but next year, could you actually have stuff on please?  

Aside from a handful of events in the smaller arts arenas, there was very little going on, so it was surely no surprise that everyone would try to push their way into Tom Jones‘ intimate performance in the woods. The fact that the randy old goat ignored shouts of ‘Sex Bomb!’ for an hour to play his awful new album is irrelevant, there were thousands of people milling about with nothing to do.  

Right that’ll be the negative comments just about done with I think.  

Friday  

I hadn’t been to a festival that wasn’t 95% focused on music before, so it was refreshing to find such an emphasis placed on comedy at Latitude. First up was the worryingly-titled Phill Jupitus Improv Show. For me, improv comedy can go either way, but thankfully Buzzcocks’ chief fatty was joined by a number of seasoned pros from the days of Whose Line Is It Anyway for some audience-fuelled capers including Richard Vranch-On-The-Piano, who it turns out is pretty bloody funny as well as a talented musician. Hairy Canadian Craig Campbell and comedy rapper Doc Brown (not half as bad as that sounds – he’s toured with De la Soul) keep the laughs coming, but finally it’s time for some music.  

The Kissaway Trail are a Danish six piece who probably wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Arcade Fire. They’re a pleasant enough listen, but, like their most recent album, are a little one-paced and my attention has wandered towards the end.  

Much better are Here We Go Magic, strangely playing the main stage to an unsurprisingly tiny crowd. They cheerily go about their business, regardless and Casual and Collector from their new album are particularly easy on the ear. Luke Temple just looks delighted to be here.  

Here We Go Magic

Here We Go Magic's Luke Temple

Back in the Word Arena, there are beards and riffs aplenty for Black Mountain‘s appearance. They draw heavily from last album In the Future and fans of that record shouldn’t be disappointed by how new material sounds, i.e. lots of widdly guitars and funereal vocals.  

Spoon, while huge in the States, have had little impact here, so again the main stage feels like odd place to plonk them, but at least they manage to get some of the crowd of middle class families to their feet. Got Nuffin from latest album Transference has been heard in telly spy caper Chuck and gets a rousing reception, but you suspect Britt Daniel is used to a bit more from festival audiences. “Thank you for that polite response” is about as good as his chat gets.  

Spoon

Spoon on the Main Stage

Meanwhile, young Scottish comedian Daniel Sloss is having a few problems with hecklers, unimpressed with his delivery but a few sharp ‘your Mum’-style put-downs get a rousing reception and the crowd are quickly back on his side. No such problems for David O’Doherty performing amusing ditties on his miniature keyboard. One such musical anecdote is about accidentally texting the person who the text is about (we’ve all done it, right?) and ends with a verse about him receiving a text that said “I thought David was rubbish tonight, his new material’s shite”. If I had his number I would have accidentally texted him about how genuinely funny he was.  

Folky poppet Laura Marling was clearly born to play Latitude, and fittingly, it’s a huge crowd that turn out to see her in the early evening sunshine. She’s outrageously talented and the last few years have been pretty massive for her, including two Mercury nominations. She could probably have farted the national anthem for half an hour and this crowd would still have loved it, but thankfully she opts to strum out some melodic loveliness instead.  

Latitude’s third stage is stashed away in a forest and, despite the wee walk to get there, is a fantastic setting for music. The serene location contradicts the noise that Tokyo Police Club have brought, however. Running late and having to catch a ferry in an hour, they play a frantic set stuffed full of new songs like Breakneck Speed and Boots of Danger. It’s not all new stuff – early tune Nature of the Experiment whips up a moshpit which doesn’t stop until the closing Your English is Good. Possibly the band of the day so far.  

I rather like the cut of Everything Everything‘s jib and they’re headlining the Lake Stage (for new bands). They’re certainly the biggest name on today, and manage to draw a decent crowd for their off kilter indie pop. They’re going to be huge and I’ll probably hate them in a year, but were pretty good in this relatively intimate setting.  

2010 seems to have been The National‘s year, announced to headline the Word Arena, even before the critically and commercially acclaimed High Violet was released. The set kicks off quietly with Runaway before kicking into a brilliant Mistaken for Strangers and it becomes clear just how many incredible tunes they now have in their canon, with Squalor Victoria and Fake Empire provoking mass singalongs and air punching.  

Matt Berninger is no longer just one of America’s finest lyricists, but now one of its greatest frontmen too. In the two years since I last saw them he’s been transformed into one hell of a performer, rolling round the stage during a deafening Mr November. It’s a stunning set and brings a great day of music to a close.  

Saturday  

As with Friday, the comedy gets started nice and early, and the day kicks off with a stream of up and coming unknown acts, the pick of which, dorky student Ivo Graham and funny-looking Frenchie Eric Lambert, deservedly get the nod from the judges to come back and do it again the following day.  

Ardal O’Hanlon is clearly a much bigger name and I’ve been a massive fan since his days in a dog collar, so it was something of a dream fulfilled to see him do stand-up in the flesh. His patter still has shades of Irish satire (priests!!) but many of his witty tales now revolve around leading an almost-normal life in Ireland including a family meeting to ‘decide what to do about Mammy’. Ardal voted to let her in.  

Josie Long‘s ‘Essex astronaut’ routine was a bit of a slog, so with the music kicking off it was time to see School of Seven Bells in the Word Arena. It’s been a few years since Ben Curtis ducked out of Secret Machines to form this dream-pop outfit with the Dehaza sisters and they seemed to have perfected a faintly Cocteau Twins-y aura. Windstorm stands out amongst the new material, which isn’t a huge departure from Alpinisms but they at least now have a live drummer in tow.  

I knew very little about John Grant ahead of the festival other than a mate’s tip-off that he was decent so I toddled along to catch his main stage set. For the uninitiated, I’d say he’s heavily influenced by Rufus Wainwright with a dash of Bonnie Prince Billy, sharing a lyrical playfulness with both. There was a consistent sense of loss and bitterness woven into his words, so I think his dog may have run off or something.  

Dominic Holland keeps things ticking over in the comedy tent before cheeky Scottish foetus Kevin Bridges takes the stage. He’s not to everyone’s taste but I can’t help but laugh at the guy, at the same time being unnerved by his youth. I could relate to plenty of his tales too, but I’ll refrain from repeating them to spare blushes (mostly mine…).  

Keeping up the Caledonian theme, Food From Argyll have pitched up hundreds of miles from home, conveniently right beside the Word Arena where one of Scotland’s other finest exports are playing – Frightened Rabbit. They’ve had quite a year and while some have grumbled about the quality of The Winter of Mixed Drinks compared to The Midnight Organ Fight, there are still plenty of great songs on the album. They’re on top form today and Scott Hutchison is visibly chuffed that none of the youngsters dancing down the front are Scottish, although a little worried that some of their songs may not be suitable for young ears. Unsure why? Then you haven’t been listening to Keep Yourself Warm properly. Fantastic as ever.

Frabbits!

Frabbits!

Sketch troupe Idiots of Ants (think the name’s odd? Put the emphasis on different syllables) have been playing the Edinburgh Fringe for years and it only takes a few minutes in the Cabaret Arena to work out why they’re so enduringly popular. Quickfire, vaguely rude and very, very funny.  

Back in the Word Arena, Noah and the Whale have pulled a sizeable crowd in. Last year’s The First Days of Spring was a critical and commercial success and they’ve taken giant steps as performers since they underwhelmed the Connect crowd in 2008. Granted, back then they only had one half decent song and Five Years Time does get an airing tonight, but it feels like the weak link in a set which opens with the majestic Blue Skies.  

The Horrors are next and while I loved their Primary Colours album from last year they’re somewhat lacking in stage presence. The power and volume of the songs just about carries them through and Sea Within a Sea is a work of genius.  

The atmospheric Horrors

The Horrors

Closing down procedings in the Word Arena are the xx, another London band, freshly – and deservedly – nominated for the Mercury prize earlier this week. They open with the ghostly, spidery Intro (as you do) and roll out most of the songs from their debut with Crystalised and Islands following quickly. They can certainly carry it off live and Romy Madley-Croft and Oliver Sim trade sensual vocals throughout. However, with a single album under their belt, it does feel like the gig is too much too soon, not unlike tiresome harpie Florence and the Machine headlining the main stage on Friday night. It was a gamble by the organisers to put the xx on this pedestal but the band certainly gave their all. 

But wait… there’s more! Taking to the Lake Stage, hours after any other band playing there had finished was Gaggle. “Who?” I hear you ask. Who indeed. Gaggle are a stunningly dressed , ahem,  ‘gaggle ‘ of young women performing classy pop – with 18 lead vocalists. Yes, it’s gimicky, yes listening to them on record would be missing the point, but they provided a mesmerizing focal point for late night entertainment before the stage turned into the indie disco of your wildest dreams.  

Gaggle

Some of the Gaggle girls at work.

Sunday  

Once again, the day started on an amusing note with The Early Edition hosted by Marcus Brigstocke and Andre Vincent. Regulars at the Edinburgh Fringe, much of the slot was taken up with baiting the right wing press (Rod Liddle in particular) aided by Jupitus, a just-up Rufus Hound and Carrie Quinlan. With the whole hour based around five comics riffing off each other, it occasionally felt a little strained, but much merriment was found in trying to summon local resident Geoff Hoon by impersonating vuvuzelas. Altogether, now: “Hoooooooooooooooooooooooon………”  

Yesterday’s best new acts then returned and Ivo Graham played up to the muso crowd by comparing safe sex to compiling a Massive Attack compilation (you always need a bit of Protection) and has some acute observations on the music line-up, not least one-album acts at the top of the bill spreading themselves thinly over a 90 minute set. It certainly sounds like Flo’s 10 minute version of Dog Days Are Over was one to avoid.  

Cutie Holly Walsh is a fine addition to any line-up but again, the music was beckoning. First up: The Antlers. Word of mouth clearly still works as a means of getting music fans interested in a band. With next to no press and limited record company funds at their disposal, they still draw a big crowd, suggesting that overwhelmingly positive reviews for last year’s Hospice album have done them plenty of favours. Bafflingly, no Sylvia in the set but Two sounds as mighty as ever.

The Antlers

The Antlers - they're very deer to me, etc...

Steve Mason playing the Film Arena didn’t make any sense at all until he ambled on stage and announced that after playing a few acoustic tracks he would be showing a film about the 1980s miners strike. With the penny having firmly dropped, he and a musical chum strummed out a couple of numbers including the beautiful title track from this year’s Boys Outside album. The film was an amateurly shot piece called Only Doing Their Job which illustrates the poor treatment of striking miners and their tense relationship with the police. Poignant stuff.  

I really ought to hate Mumford and Sons. They’re extraordinarily popular for a start, demonstrated by the fact that approximately 98% of the festival have turned out to see them play an early main stage slot. But I just can’t help but love them – they’ve brought the banjo and double bass back to the charts for the first time since around 1958 and gloriously sunny tracks like Sign No More and Little Lion Man are perfect for the scorching weather.  

And from one extreme to the other, it’s back to the Lake Stage where up and coming young Scots Mitchell Museum play to a tiny but appreciative crowd. Lead singer Cammy McFarlane ensures the audience are crystal clear about who they’re watching, announcing on several occasions that they are not the Mitchell Library, the Michelin Man or Joni Mitchell but “MITCHELL MUSEUM!!!” A vinyl copy of their album is waved around enthusiastically and I resist a cry of “‘mon the Mitchell Library!” in fear that it might end up somewhere painful. Musically there’s whiff of psychedelic pop about them and they’ve plenty of energy. Top album tracks Warning Bells and Tiger Heartbeat are played with gusto and a straight-faced cover of MIA’s Paper Planes lures in a few more passing punters.  

Mitchell Museum

Mitchell Library?

It’s a short walk to the Word Arena for NYC Afro-synth-poppers Yeasayer who cram a lot into their short slot, keeping chat to a minimum. The electro direction on this year’s Odd Blood has rubbed off on older material with fresh arrangements for 2080 and Wait for the Summer taking them to a new level. We could have done without some of the cod-rock posturing though. 

Yeasayer

Yeasayer blind the Word Arena

With the limbs starting to tire it was a trek to the forest-set Sunrise Arena for Jack Barnett’s These New Puritans. As strong live as they clearly are, and a woodwind duo now very much part of the band, they come across just a little bit too po-faced and chilly for such a lovely outdoor setting. Much more appropriate were The Pains of Being Pure At Heart who have managed to bang out a hell of lot of material in the last year. Their debut album was a near-masterpiece in fuzzy three minute pop songs about teenage lust and tonight’s new tunes demonstrated absolutely zero progression. But to coin a phrase, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. 

Sigur Rós frontman Jonsí was never a must-see for me, not having heard his solo album and (correctly) predicting that nary a note of Victory Rose music would be aired. Defying my expectations, however, he’s awesome. The last time I saw Sigur Rós play they stared at their shoes for the whole gig but the wee fella truly came alive here, clad in a bizarre get-up that at one point included an Indian headdress. His voice is still amazing and that solo album now merits investigation.  

Finally – and at this point the weekend has started to feel really long – it’s time for Grizzly Bear in the Suffolk twilight. Their beautifully arranged songs are faultlessly executed and the crowd reception is rapturous. They announce that it’s their “last show for a long time” and here’s hoping that the follow-up to Veckatimest is on their minds. For now though they send weary campers back to their tents with While You Wait for the Others floating round their ears.  

Overall, Latitude is a triumph. The crowd are light years away from T in their attitude, and aside from a couple of unsavoury, well-publicised assaults (completely out of character for the event) it’s a safe haven for music fans. I mean, how many festivals have you heard of, where you have to fight your way through rows of buggies to escape Belle and Sebastian?   

If I had a complaint, it would be that a lot of the main stage acts lacked in pulling power, if not necessarily quality. I’m also far from convinced that Florence and Vampire Weekend are big enough or experienced enough to headline even a medium-sized festival, not that I went to see either, right enough.  

But I’m seriously considering a return trip next year and I’d urge you to join me.

Finally, Suffolk’s Latitude Festival is almost upon us. I’ve been yapping about it for months, ever since I twigged that I was getting a bit old and snobbish for T in the Park.

I’ve never been before so can’t offer readers any insight into where to get the tastiest food, what midnight parties are best or where to pitch your tent.

I can however, offer you a few tips on the best bands. While there does appear to be a bit of Radio 2-friendly rubbish on the bill, there’s more than enough to keep even me interested.

And that’s without even mentioning the comedy, theatre and film stuff. There’s going to be a hell of a lot to cram in. See you there?*

Meantime, here’s a a baker’s dozen of musical acts well worth going to see…

These New Puritans

TNP

I haven’t talked about this bunch half as bunch as I ought to. Doom-y, portentous electronica with a dash of traditional woodwind and string instruments. Should be seriously good live.

Mitchell Museum

Confession time, I’ve yet to hear a single note of music by the ‘Scottish Animal Collective’ (errr, thanks Uncut) but the line-up is lacking a tangible Caledonian presence given that Stuart Murdoch spends most of his time in LA these days. I’ve heard they’re great and will be making an effort to see them. I may even take a Saltire to make them feel at home.

Here We Go Magic

I’m not going to say much about them given that I’ve only just reviewed their rather lovely album Pigeons. But you can read more here.

Tokyo Police Club

Tokyo Police Club

They’ve been called the Canadian Strokes but they’re a little less one dimensional than Casablancas et al, with many of their bouncy new wave tunes being synth-driven. New album Champ is on the way and they’ll definitely be worth catching.

Grizzly Bear

I’ve seen them before, but as they’re closing the Word Arena on Sunday night I can’t think of a better way to wrap up the festival. Beautiful chamber pop.

Black Mountain

Black Mountain

Latitude is pitched at the 30-something ‘real’ music fan… a shame therefore that out-and-out rawk seems to have been neglected in the line-up. These guys are one of the few exceptions, Sabbath-y riffs blended into funereal melodies.

The Antlers

Another band I’ve been lucky enough to catch live, they were immense at Glasgow’s Stag and Dagger festival and made the foundations of the building shake as their fragile post rock (of sorts) was turned into a wall of noise.

The Horrors

Effects-heavy, MBV influenced shenanigans from black clad London posers. One of my favourite albums from last year, I’m really looking forward to seeing them live.

Dirty Projectors

 

Producers of another of last year’s best albums, Dirty Projectors are artsy and cool, despite sounding like they’re trying to cover Paul Simon’s Graceland note for note. By the look of the bill there’s a potential – and baffling – clash with the magnificent Yeasayer. Similar bands from similar places, I guess I’ll make a late decision on whether I want some synthy bounce with my boho NYC sounds.

Steve Mason

His new Richard X-produced album is superb and, interestingly, he’s pencilled in to play the film arena, which suggests there might be something quite special up his sleeve.

Frightened Rabbit

Yes, THEM again! The Frabbits are always great value live, whatever the venue. Expect to see that Saltire being waved about down the front in time to their huge Scottish anthems.

The xx

xx

The reports say that they’re surprisingly well equipped when it comes to translating their hummable but sinister minimalist tunes into a live setting. Should be a nice way to wrap up Saturday night.

The National

But of course! The idea of Matt Berninger’s croon bringing Friday night to a close (well, in terms of live music at least…) fills me with excitement. High Violet has had a mixed reception but I like it a lot and the likes of Terrible Love should blend well with older material.

There’s plenty more of course, but they’re my top pics for now. I’ll try and blog a bit from the site, wi-fi and hangover allowing, but if not there’ll be a full report next week!

*Send me a message or leave a comment if you’re going!

A wee quickie for May Day Monday… and the last time I’ll mention T in the Park, not least because of the gracious comments made by Mr Geoff Ellis on the pages of this very website a wee while back, despite the ranting tone of my piece.

In that same blog, I had wondered out loud whether selling my T tickets and heading to Latitude instead would backfire with many bands still to be added to the T bill.

I needn’t have worried.

Both festivals announced some line-up additions last week and both were in keeping with my current feelings about my musical summer.

For Latitude we had the mighty Frightened Rabbit (yes, them again!), These New Puritans – producers of one of this year’s best and most menacing albums so far - and the blissed out School of Seven Bells.

There were a handful of others that I hadn’t heard of but this built nicely on an announcement earlier on in the month that included the Kissaway Trail, Tokyo Police Club, First Aid Kit and Black Mountain.

I’m doing my best not to get too annoyed about the involvement of those peddlers of saccharine shite that are the Feeling, but at the end of the day that’s one duff band out of 70+. Even if they don’t clash with someone decent there could still be fun to be had by turning up for their set with some empty bottles and a full bladder.

And T in the Park?

- Joshua Radin who’s having his album plugged via the medium of TV advertising. Sounds like American MOR dross.

- Unicorn Kid who I saw for about two minutes last year and couldn’t stand.

- Unfunny musical pranksters 3OH!3.

- Kids in Glass Houses for the emos.

- Eminem cronies D12. 

That’s the most recent announcement.

On the upside the Drums, Ash, Bunnymen and few other decent acts were announced. Hypnotic Brass Ensemble would also make for an intriguing spectacle, but it’s not enough to make me think again.

Lovely folkie Laura Marling and NYC experimentalists Yeasayer popped up too, but they’re already on the Latitude bill joining Dirty Projectors, Mumford and Sons and the aforementioned Black Mountain among the handful of bands playing both.

So that leaves a very short list of really good acts that I’ll be missing out on – The Cribs, Biffy Clyro (look I like ‘em, ok?!?), Broken Social Scene and Four Tet (and don’t bet against the latter two playing ‘you know where’). I think I can live with that.

But if you’re going to T, please enjoy it. I doubt a moaning muso like me will change your opinion on the whole shebang. But in my absence, make sure you patrol the wee stages for the up and coming, more obscure acts.

And please god stay away from Pete Doherty and Babyshambles, I wouldn’t want you to catch anything…

Teed Off

An open letter to Geoff Ellis, boss-man of DF Concerts, promoters of T in the Park.

Dear Geoff,

Thanks for the terribly predictable T in the Park line-up announced last month with only the merest smattering of quality and originality among the commercial dross you’ve picked out.

It’s never bothered me before, as you’ve always managed to book plenty of bands that I, one of your more discerning regulars, appreciate.

Putting Broken Social Scene, Dirty Projectors and Four Tet in there left me optimistic that there would be more where that came from and I would have enough ‘fringe’ music to amuse me, along some of the better populist choices like Muse and Biffy.

So I was tingling with a little excitement when I heard there would be more bands announced last week.

And what do we get? Madness. Jamie T. Paloma Faith.

Oh dear.

Also in there were Delphic (a decent album, but hardly compulsive viewing) and Frank Turner (don’t mind him, but a few friends appreciate his music a lot more than I do). But overall it was still a massive let down.

So that’s 55 acts announced and I’ve counted 14 that I give a toss about with a meagre seven in the ‘must see’ category.

So what does Moany Music Snob of Musselburgh do now?

Simple. I’m voting with my feet.

Or more to the point, my wheels. It’s a nine or ten hour drive to Sussex, but after I finish this post I’ll be booking tickets to Latitude.

Latitude already has a great looking line-up. Aside from the homely, relaxed atmosphere that the festival is said to have, having the National, the xx and Grizzly Bear headline its second stage is an instant stamp of quality.

The Horrors are in there too and Charlotte Gainsbourg will lend the occasion a bit of Gallic class.

It’s the weekend after T so going to both is clearly not an option, both financially and for childcare – so our T tickets are now up for grabs.

This post was meant to be a general moan about the quality of the Balado line-up, under the premise that I would still be going. I’d scribbled down a few thoughts on who I’d like to see you book. The xx and Grizzly Bear were both on that list.

So were LCD Soundsystem and the Hold Steady, but I can’t see that they’ll be added now. With so many big acts now on the bill, it’ll be up and coming acts that’ll pad it out.

Not necessarily a bad thing, but a hell of a chance to take. A lot of folk go to festivals for the craic and the booze, and that’s undoubtedly a massive part of it, but for me it’s mostly about the music.

In the same way that I can barely tolerate being in a pub or club (Clubs! Ha! I remember them…) that’s playing terrible music, I don’t wish to find myself watching Kasabian in a field, hands stuffed in pockets sulking, because there’s nothing better on. And paying £180 for the ‘pleasure’.

James Murphy, Craig Finn and their respective bands almost certainly won’t be playing Latitude either, but the five acts named above give me the sense that it’ll be well worth the cash. There’ll be lots else happening too.

Latitude takes comedy seriously – Marcus Brigstocke and Kevin Bridges have already been announced. There’ll be talks on films and books, a bit of poetry and some theatre.

Now I’m not going to badge myself as a middle class twat at this point and say “I’m going to a festival for the poetry” as that would be a total lie and not what I’m about.

But, as an alternative to watching the latest sadsack Oasis wannabes playing to a bunch of pissed up neds spoiling for a fight, then Bret Easton Ellis doing a reading from one of his books will do nicely thanks.

And even if I did stick to the music, of only 10 bands announced, four fall into the aforementioned ‘must see’ category with Florence the only one that I’d go out of my way to avoid.

Of course, I’m taking a massive risk. It would just be typical that the second I get my confirmation email from Latitude, you’ll send out another press release announcing that Frightened Rabbit (who are surely a no-brainer), Fever Ray and Sigur Rós are to play T.

But fuck it. As much as I’ve enjoyed T since 1999, having been to Connect in ’08, I’ve found the idea of a smaller, more focused festival hugely appealing.

Am I getting old? Probably? Is T’s loss of appeal coinciding with my own music taste spiralling up my backside? Almost certainly. Am I categorically finished with T? Well, Geoff, I’ll never say never on that front. Who knows?

But at least Latitude will have more beards than Buckie and I’ll be more likely to trip over a buggy than a bam.

And as this is effectively ‘our holiday’ for the year, the road trip and scenic setting will make it more fun than tailgating a coach crawling up the M90 with some wee bellend in a football top baring his arse shouting “T in the fuckin’ Park big man!!!!” at us for the whole journey.

Yours sincerely,

“Evil” Stu

Musselburgh

Now…. does anyone want to buy a T in the Park ticket?

This…

…or this?

To T or Not to T?

To T or Not to T?

Indeed, that is the question. Since my *ahem* lost weekend of 1999 I have missed T in the Park only twice. Once in 2000 when I was still scarred from non-memories of the previous year and in 2006 when I was meant to be going to a wedding in Valencia, but then was meant to be going to my my Nanny’s funeral. But then she didn’t die when she was expected to, so I ended up scowling at TV coverage all weekend.

But enough morbid digressions. This first wave of this year’s line-up has been announced and I’ve met it with my usual mix of annoyance and optimism. It’s full of mainstream shite that I won’t touch with a ten foot pole but peppered with a handful of bands that leaves me optimistic that it’ll once again be a great weekend.

I should point out that the above title is a rhetorical question. Subject to nailing the tickets on Friday, of course I’ll be going. But every year I wonder if it will be my last, even though the responsibilities of fatherhood have seriously limited my gig going opportunities and cramming a year’s worth into one weekend has to be the way to go.

So here are my thoughts on most of the acts announced so far.

Muse – Last album was dross but still an incredible live spectacle and it’ll take some real quality to pull me away from the Main Stage for this.

Eminem – Is anyone actually listening to this nasty, misogynist wanker? I’m not.

Kasabian – actually don’t mind the music. Just don’t want to be covered in beer and piss from the crowd they’ll draw.

Black Eyed Peas – Jesus wept.

Jay Z – Much more respect for him than the above rap ‘superstar’. But it’s still a no.

Stereophonics – Snoooooooooooooore.

Paolo Nutini – Fuck off you stupid hat wearing dipshit. It’s like this country is programmed to like you just because you’re Scottish.

Biffy Clyro – Still love ‘em. Count me in.

Florence – Bat for Lashes and Ladyhawke do it better. My beloved will undoubtedly go but I’ll be looking for something else.

Dizee Rascal – Not for me, thanks.

Vampire Weekend – Their undoubted Main Stage slot will be off-putting but I like them.

30 Seconds to Mars – Jared Leto should stick to acting. They’re TERRIBLE!

Mumford & Sons – Yes please!

The View – Cut your hair, stop turning up pished and write some tunes. And then come back to me. Until then, get the fuck out of my sight.

Hot Chip – Still making decent music, but not great live. It’s a maybe.

Cribs – Like them a lot. I’m in.

Plastikman – Something to do with the Slam tent?

Newton Faulkner – Ginger twat.

The Coral – Scouse twats.

Temper Trap – Saw them last year and wasn’t hugely impressed.

Stranglers – Christ, my pizza’s still in the oven.

Broken Social Scene – YEEEESSSSSS!!!!! A truly brilliant band.

Dirty Projectors – Hurrah! They should be great to watch.

Four Tet – Could be really, really interesting live.

Two Door Cinema Club – Know nothing about them other than the Norn Irn connection.

Black Mountain – Riffs! Power! Rock! Get in!!!!

And that’s that. I’ll be at my laptop at 9am sharp on Friday buying tickets, seething about the amount of mainstream bollocks on the bill but secretly excited about another weekend of beer, booze and Biffy.

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